Some things you'd rather not speak of

but that usually means you're just not saying what everyone already knows. To wit, I'm overweight. Can't be hidden, no matter how loose the clothing may be. Don't like it; have fought it and lived with it my entire life.

Could make excuses (hell, I've made all the excuses you could think of!), but it's my problem, whatever its source, and I'm the only one who can deal with it (or in true ostrich fashion stick my head in the sand and not deal with it).

I maintain that it's unrelated to the type of person I am, to my talents or abilities (if there are some). It should be unrelated to how I treat myself and others; I fear that it is not. AND it certainly IS related to how I am perceived. People being the way we are, we react to what we see based on info we store in our heads, imprints from our own early years, biases created by family or experience.

Strangely enough, I react negatively to other obese people, even though I try not to. Everyone deserves a chance to demonstrate their character without my biases; sometimes we just don't get that far. I've experienced this on both sides, the sender and receiver. Ain't fair; doesn't change it.

Happens I'm in one of my 'I can fix this if I try' modes. When you get to be 50-15, have significant weight problems and family histories that demonstrate enhanced risks, it behooves one to pay attention to where you are and what your condition is. As I've said many times, the choices are always either stay or go. If I remain on this mortal coil, it means I live poorly by own hand, or I try to make changes and live well, or at least better.

So here I am: in a program trying to lose weight, increase physical well-being and improve overall condition. Eight weeks ago I joined up with a program offered at work and, although this has not been a smooth, easy transition, I have made some changes and have lost 10 pounds. Hooray!

I've increased my physical activity by returning to water aerobics regularly, and have added a half-hour one day a week physical activity offered, again, at work. The water class is not hard for me to do (once I go to the club); the other class is tough. Water provides buoyancy and makes movement much less problematic; it is still very good exercise though. The other thing is on the floor and requires me to move parts of me without that added buoyancy. That's hard. Just shows how much I need to be there.

So, suffice it to say, it is not all fun, but there's a level of satisfaction and pleasure in making improvement and achieving, reaching beyond my comfort zone. There's so much yet to be done that I will not ponder that grander portion, but focus on the steps leading me in the right direction. To everyone facing challenges, coming to terms with reality, I say, "Buck up." Something about being the master of your ship comes to mind. Trying doesn't guarantee success; but not trying surely promises failure.