Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Thoughts come rushing to the surface

and cannot be pushed back.  Not sure why they press forward and fill consciousness, forcing other things into the background. But there they are. What should you do? I don't have answers; I only respond to the circumstances. Mostly I have to think those thoughts; often they can be put back in dusty files and sometimes they must be given more thorough consideration.

Finished latest read, and stretched out across the bed. The book was a very good read; I couldn't plunge into the next one and there's nothing on TV, not that I want to see anyway. Roomies joined me asking for loving. SO I suppose it was while stroking my doggies I was reminded of the puppy I killed.

Maybe I haven't discussed that here, but I did kill a puppy. Not deliberately or intentionally. Nevertheless, with stupidity and carelessness, I caused the demise of a sweet doggie. Even wrote a sappy short story about it, no doubt to salve my conscience against guilt and remorse.

The mutt with huge brown eyes that inspired the name Master Clarence Brown-Eyed Martin was a real sweetie.  But his eagerness and my failure to notice details resulted in his being rushed to the pet emergency clinic. He did not survive his injuries and I carried him home with heavy heart, crying via phone to a friend of my crime and regret.

He's in my backyard, among others that succumbed to age and disease, the only young sacrifice.  At the time I wished for no more animal companions; but Rosey brought me Penny and MacKenzie and my life has been enriched and I've been rewarded with love and devotion.  Clarence deserved better and I don't deserve such grace. I hope he knew I really did love him.

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