as in drawing away from, not connected to, the world outside your front door, probably need to determine what's up.
But then this has become my regular end-of-the-week routine, and I don't think I care why. I subscribe, more or less, to the PMA concepts, like attitude determines altitude. Yeah, that's corny as hell, but these cliches come from somewhere. Seems in the last many months, I tire more easily from attending to others, being polite and friendly, and the basic treating other people the way I want to be treated. I don't want to behave differently, actually; I just don't want to . . . behave, I guess, as in interact with other people.
So, when I am in the world, I try to be at a minimum polite, and hopefully friendly. Frankly, if I treat others well, I feel better about myself and my place in it. Not surprising. Doubt if someone would be happy by being unfriendly.
Nevertheless, Saturday and Sundays have become days of more quiet and solitude than I ever before wanted. There's something about sitting in a comfortable chair, reading book, petting dog, or watching TV and petting dog, that's quite nice. Restful, relaxing, restorative, aaaah . . . .
It's the inertia, the inability to get out of the chair, get off my butt and take any action, even the simplest kind, that worries me. If this is part of the getting better and being ready when Monday arrives, maybe it's alright. If it's a means of avoiding stuff, might not be alright.
Maybe this is, in part, symptoms of growing older; maybe it's a reality check. Sometimes life is pretty disappointing, but sitting down in the road and quitting probably won't fix it. Besides, I've figured out that I'm not likely to become wealthy (no rich older relatives on the edge of eternity, and even less likely to win a lottery), that I will have to take life as it is; I'm not going to get some brilliant stroke of insight or good fortune that will change my world; and I'm responsible for what I'm doing (damn I hate that).
Emily Dickenson has been quoted as saying, "[l]ife's not one damn thing after another; it's the same damn thing over and over." That could be the problem; the same darn routine is wearing, maybe as much or more than unusual events, even those that produce stress. And since I seem to learn slowly, I may be going through things again and again---another case of not learning from your mistakes.
And, if I'd been handed a program outlining the trip, I probably wouldn't have read it. But by now I'd hope I'd know something about the ride.
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